Release from Grief: Release

The Flowering:

Your seed has grown, become something new, something different than the see it started. It may wilt on occasion, but with some TLC it will come back full bloom, facing the sun and ready for bright tomorrows. It won't leave you. Even if the flower wilts and seemingly dies, a seed will always remain for it to regrow.

Release

I've written this just to share my own personal thoughts, feelings and ideas while struggling with the loss of a child. You might agree or might not. Thats alright. We live in a huge world full of different kinds of people. Different types of people. My way is NOT the way for everyone. My way is merely a suggestion on how you might find your way. I have in no way perfected this method. But I have found a release from grief. Let me explain.

From my experience I seems like many drown in their grief. They hold on to the grief thinking they are holding on their babies and I feel there is a great separation between the two. Your grief is sadness, anger, isolation while your baby is love. How are they something to be kept together? They are opposites (in my eyes). As soon as you find a way to come to this reality and truly focus on JUST the love, just the bliss you felt when you found our you were pregnant, seeing you baby's face, etc...then the grief can start to crumble and break off. Use that love as a shield against the grief. Now this isn't something that will work right off. Everyone needs to go through the stages of grief. I just find there are some that seem to live in a stage forever and I would for them to find the same release I have found and that is where I feel this method comes in to play. There is no time frame for grief and I know it can last years. But at some point I know I realized I was tired from it. The pain was too much and hard to bare and I wanted to find a way out. I stumbled and fell a few times, but this is just merely what helped me, and I truly believe it CAN help others.

I more often than not feel at peace with my losses. I don't spend weeks dreading their angelversaries. I don't even dread their days as much as I used to. I found a release as I surfaced from drowning. As I felt the sand on my toes I stood, walked and felt surrounded with love and warmth. Your angels don't need you to celebrate their day if you don't want to, you celebrate them everytime you think about them. Somewhere in my stumbling and falling I discovered there is a place with in me where Kaitlin and Sage are always celebrated, loved and cherished. As long as I live that place will forever live on. There is my release. I don't grieve the loss of them, I instead celebrate the life they had and the life they gave me. This wasn't an overnight process. I still might fall on occasion, but mostly I now know how to fly myself. Falling is okay, but don't give yourself permission to stay laying there. Rest for a moment but always sit, stand and walk again. Their memories rely on us to keep them alive, keep them experiencing life as well. Someday I hope you find your release from grief :) How you get there is yours to find. Use my words as a guide or find your own, but I truly with my whole being hope those who have been touched with infant loss can find a release.